Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
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He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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