So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
