Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Swine flu. Run for my life!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
