And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
