so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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