Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
