Ketchup is God's man juice
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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