Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
