I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Randomize
