YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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