forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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