if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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