I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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