I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
