I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
