I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Randomize
