Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
