Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
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You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
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I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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