Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
