WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
