I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
