Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
