i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize