i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
