He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
