That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
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Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
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If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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