Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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