there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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