Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
