soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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