Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
