Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
