is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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