i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
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Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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