Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
