..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
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I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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