Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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