i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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