my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
