do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
