if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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