dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I smell stomach acid.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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