did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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