Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
