Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
