I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
