Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
