I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
