you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I need a beard to bite.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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