Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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