I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
