I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
