Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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