you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
