It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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