Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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