oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
