I cockslap morals
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
