ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We got so high we made milksteak
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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