i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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