did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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