I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
